ooops…

i don’t know how i did it, but i totally forgot about hun’s birthday this past monday, august 4th – oops!

Happy Belated Birthday, Hun!!!!

sowii~

failure feelings…

it’s 6am and i just got back from dropping john off for the marathon in SF. it’s a shitty feeling, driving into the city and seeing, seeing the other runners and knowing that i won’t be among them crossing the finish line today.

my first attempt at a marathon after years of pushing it off… and i physically can’t run it. i thought about parking after john left and attempt to do the race, but the possible consequences of further knee injury kept me in my car.

progress on my right knee has come to a halt and, if anything, i think it’s gotten worse. swelling has returned and i now have sharp, zinger like pains that come when i walk around for minutes at a time. i can see some bruising around the knee, which i didn’t see before.

this feeling of failure is totally not cool…people say there will always be more marathons, but that’s not the point for me. the point is i told myself to complete this one and i didn’t. mission un-accomplished.

lady gaga…

just watched lady gaga perform on ’so you think you can dance’…

she’s madd cute… the latest in my girlie crushes, but not topping j. alba though or a.jolie ~ alba would be a dream….

lady gaga

awww sh*t

walked into the office kitchen this morning and felt a sudden snap in my knee – “oh shit!”, i shout…

gonna see Dr. King in Palo Alto soon… arGgh!

uh-oh…

soOo…since my knee has been feeling 10x better than last week, i’ve been wandering and walking around without giving my knee too much rest – big mistake. i feel the swelling come back, especially right above the knee.

ohmy…swelling go away!

catching up…

since my knee consumed most of my thoughts (and blogs) lately, i forgot to add that I turned down the offer last friday. it was a hard decision, and I don’t believe there was a right or wrong choice. it’s a matter of preference - what do I want to do? i’ve made my choice and time to move on. i can’t help but wonder sometimes what it would’ve been like had I accepted, but it’s not something I’ll dwell upon.

chillin ’cause i havfta..

so my last post was exceptionally depressing…i was close to droppin’ tears while writing it

well, after seeing the ortho, good news is that i just “over ran” and no surgery is needed. R.I.C.E and stretching should do the trick and things should be fine within 2-3 weeks. When the doc was pushing and pulling my legs, a surprised look came across his face for a second that got me super worried – “your muscles are so tight… it’s like someone with cerebal palsy!” – WTF?!

me: what? !? !

doc: a lean, young woman, like yourself, is usually as flexible a person can get… and your quads and hamstrings are just so tight. it’s like an old woman!

boy, that hurt. from his explanation, my quads and hamstrings tightened up a lot during my long run…and because i ran through the pain, the shortened muscles caused more exertion and force inside my knees, thus my knee problems.

runners knee on the right...

i still dared to ask…can i run the marathon next weekend? quick reply, “no”.  bummer, but i was elated as hell knowing my knee will be OK without surgery.

so now i’m chillin’ cause i have to. it was an incredibly beautiful day today…and i was stuck indoors. being sedentary on a gorgeous day aint my thang, but at least i’ll be able to walk normally and run again in a few weeks (hopefully)

with being at home all day, at least i got some organizing/cleaning done, read up some more on Java and finally watch the movie White Chicks – that was hilarious!

randomness: @ the docs office, i learned i dropped ~7 lbs this week… i’m down to 100, pretty crazy…and the circumfrence of my thighs (measured above the knee) is ~6″. hmmm, when i read this post years from now i wonder how much those numbers will change

seriously sad…

today is friday, and usually days like these are happy days since they’re the beginning of the weekend. not today, though.

i’m actually sad. seriously sad…i think this is what people call a feeling of depression. there are days where i’m bummed and use frowning emoticons in my IMs, but the frowns are never serious.

damn, it hurts. i’ll see the orthopedic today and hope for good news, although realistically thinking he’ll tell me the worst case.

still there

the feeling just isn’t going away…and rather than contemplating about what’s bothering me with an effort to solve it, i just pre-occupy myself with doing work and chores. wish it would just go away and leave me be. back to the java book and cleaning, although i’ve cleaned the place spotless already ;\

feelin’ down

not feelin’ good today. i’m not sick… but there’s a pain inside my chest that hurts. the kind of pain that sad feelings create, and I’m not particularly sad about anything. OK, maybe that’s a lie. there are too many things on my mind – need to clear them out and move on.

short term goals – taking a shot at python and learning java…